5 things I've learned about marriage

It's hard to believe we got married five years ago today. And while that's not as long as some people - say, our grandparents - we've outlasted most Hollywood marriages. (And it's about one-sixth of my entire life, but who's counting?)

By the time you read this, Chad and I will be off somewhere (heading to Baltimore's Inner Harbor, I just found out) taking a day off work to enjoy each other's company. As we approach this milestone of sorts, I've been thinking what lessons I've learned in the five years we've been married. Here, my sage advice:

5) Remember the four-minute rule.

I first blogged about the four-minute rule last fall sometime, when I had pledged to myself that I would be perfectly cheerful and calm for the first four minutes that Chad came home from work. It's really amazing how not flying off the handle right when someone opens the front door can change things.

4) Don't do something for another person. Do it for yourself.

Several years ago, when I was young and naive and apparently not thinking clearly, I promised Chad that I would always do his laundry. (He hates to do laundry - I mean, he has a visceral reaction to it. To postpone his need to do laundry, he would literally drive to Target and buy more boxers.) In hindsight, this was a really stupid agreement because, well, laundry is hardly my favorite chore either. For several years, I huffed and complained to myself about this task, not totally sure that Chad fully appreciated my weekly sign of affection.

About a year ago, I heard something that hit home in this area. A woman was bemoaning the fact that she always did an disproportionate share of work than her husband and kids, and was trying to figure out how to change that. The answer from whomever was smart enough to think this way: Stop thinking about these projects as tasks you're undertaking for them. That's just going to make you bitter. Think about them as things you're doing for yourself.

This new mantra applies to all sorts of undertakings. Ticked off that I'm always emptying the dishwasher? The other option would be leaving all the clean dishes in there, but I don't want to do that. (Chad would probably be perfectly fine with this scenario.) Sick of being the one who has to remember to pay the bills on time? I'd be furious if I ever had to pay a late fee. Not in the mood to clean up the backyard? Well, don't...but don't be mad if it doesn't "magically" get done, either.

PS: I still don't really love doing laundry.

3) Never, ever - no matter what - go to Costco together on a Saturday afternoon.

That's all I'm going to say about that.

2) You know that old saying, "Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight."? Hogwash.

A cooling-off period is essential. An eight-hour cooling off period is ideal. There's nothing wrong with going to bed angry because, 99 times out of 100, you'll wake up and realize it was the most ridiculous argument ever. Then there are apologies all around, and you've had a good night's sleep on top of it. Case closed. 

1) Appreciate the cracks.

Chad isn't perfect. I'm surely not perfect (you're shocked, I know). But, like our wedding gifts that are starting to see some signs of wear and tear (ie: a few chips in our plates and an odd number of wine glasses - we've broken three), I've come to smile at the little dings and nicks, both in our stuff and in our life. Some of them, only we can see. And I think that makes it all the more special.