I've kind of been dreading today. When we found out we were having a December baby, we were quick to determine that Christmas back home would be difficult, if not impossible. If we were even still considering heading home, the decision to have Chad's ACL surgery pre-Christmas was the nail in that proverbial coffin. The idea of not spending Christmas back home made me so sad, but I'm smart enough to realize that a 14-hour drive home with a baby who needs to eat every three hours sounds miserable...and the logistical challenges would have been way too much.
What are we doing on Christmas Day? Instead of our traditional six Christmases (two sets of parents and four sets of grandparents), we're having...one. Just the three of us.
No driving around and around to make every family Christmas. No huge meals. No chaos of kids and piles of presents. No Christmas morning brunch with my grandparents. No Christmas dinner at Chad's grandparents, or stockings at my parents, or chicken noodle soup on Christmas night. No Christmas Eve service at my church to catch up with old friends or driving around looking at Christmas lights. No Christmas memories that I've had for the past 32 years.
Even though life could not be better and I can't even begin to count all my blessings, everything I'm missing out on today is making a tiny little hole in my heart.
This Christmas is different - in both a bittersweet and exhilarating way. Today, the three of us are literally playing things by ear: opening a few gifts and making a scaled-back Christmas dinner. If it's nice, I'll take Lucy on a walk. If I'm tired, maybe I'll nap. If we're looking for things to do, perhaps we'll pop in a Christmas movie.
Regardless, we won't be home for Christmas - or maybe we will be. At some point I suppose, "home" stops being where you're from and starts being where you are. And this year, we are where we're supposed to be - just the three of us, making new memories and starting new traditions.
(But we'll be in Illinois next year!)
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