A mother's love

There are some things I understand so much more now that I'm a mom, like the brilliance of drive-thrus. (Seriously, why aren't they everywhere? You think I want to take my sleeping kid out of the car in the rain to pick up that prescription?)

But I've also been dumbfounded by how mom-hood has ratcheted up every single human emotion I have.

When I watched the two-hour episode where Diane Sawyer interviewed kidnap victim Jaycee Duggard, I was blown away. How does a girl-then-woman suffer years of abuse from someone and have his children? How could you raise two little babies living in a tent in a backyard? How could you help those kids have a "normal" life? And how could you be a mother whose child is snatched on her way home from school?

I think about the Baby Jessica case years ago, when the little girl was taken from her adoptive parents after a court determined that she should live with her biological father. At the time, I thought it was heart-breaking. Today, the thought of someone taking Jackson away from me when he's two years old to go live with another family - forever - is incomprehensible. The picture of her being taken from her parents will always be burned in my mind. As a parent, how do you survive something like that?

And then there's the latest. The utter human tragedy happening now in Somalia. A few weeks ago, the cover story in my Wall Street Journal offered this photo. The caption said this little boy is two.

My immediate reaction? Toss the paper into the circular file. I could not - would not - be able to mentally make time for this. Way too difficult. Way too much to do. But when I was a millisecond away from dumping the paper into the trash, I froze. This is somebody's baby. His mother probably loves him as much as I love my little boy.

Can you imagine?

And so, I read about it. I look at the pictures. I try to imagine what those poor people are going through - what it must be like to leave one child to die in the hopes that the others will live. This picture has been haunting me for more than a month. I literally cannot forget it. But I can't do anything about it either.

That's the worst part about being a mom.

Kids bring amazing joy and happiness. Lots of things happen that you can control. But when they're sick or hurt or frustrated, there are times you can't do a thing. In the end, all you can do is love them and pray for them and hope that one day they'll know you did everything you could in your power to help them find their own way.

Movers and shakers

Jackson likes to wait until he has an audience to hit big milestones. When we were here in March, he rolled over. And tonight, we had another momentous occasion.

He's been crawling backward for a couple of weeks (on my favorite excursion, he backed himself into the closet so only his head was showing). He would get so frustrated but absolutely could not figure out how to move his hands and knees in the right direction.

Tonight, something seemed to click...and the kid started moving. Forward.

Jackson is currently most fascinated by cords, electrical outlets and shoes - not toys, books or any number of stuffed animals.

Looks like it's time to baby-proof the house.

I love this place

Being down on the farm isn't quite the same with two little boys in tow. Our mornings of sleeping in, drinking coffee in our pj's until 11:00, going out to lunch and playing cards all night seem to be a thing of the past. (In fact, last night we were all in bed by 9:15.)

But even though life is changed, it really couldn't be more perfect. Even though this week hasn't been filled with as much sleep or leisure as my typical "farm visits", I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Playing with Grandma and Grandpa in the front yard. Life is good.

This boy is a thinker.
Mark my words, he'll do something important someday.

Jackson trying to figure out how to get from here to there.

Fairly certain that this is how you define "a handful."

Jackson loooovvves his Grandpa.

Are these not the most beautiful blue eyes you have ever seen?

I love rice cereal!
And peaches, and peas, and avocados, and carrots, and...

Happy, happy boy.

A new perspective

Since I posted the last video of Jackson, he's been growing like a weed. (At his six-month check-up he was 28.5 inches and 19 pounds, which puts him in the 95% category for height and 75% category for weight - and to think we were ever worried about him gaining weight!) He's been sitting up, chewing on absolutely everything he can get his hands on, and trying to crawl (currently he's a champ at going backwards).

The other night, Chad put Jackson up on his shoulders and his eyes were as wide as they've ever been. Though I have a feeling he'll spend most of his life towering over me, he seemed to enjoy the scenery from this new perspective.

On the second day...

Today, Jackson began the second day of his brand-spanking-new daycare. We've been on the list for this place for over a year, and we're really excited about his new "teachers" and the structure of the program. (After looking at his daily "report card" of developmental activities - which included "pretending to fly" and "pointing at black and white pictures" - Chad said, "Man, I'm going to feel guilty about not taking him in on weekends too.")

When I picked him up yesterday, Jackson seemed a bit shell-shocked. I chalked it up to over-stimulation, new faces and a change in his schedule. It was the first time in Jackson's "I'll go to anyone, anytime" life that he was actually clingy. And quiet.

Today when I picked him up, I was handed the following:

Turns out, he was getting sick. The doctor says it's a serious ear infection. (Ouch.)

But the "Your son was sent home from school today because ____" note makes me laugh. This was the first time, but something tells me this will not be the last in his many years of education that I get a note from the teacher. Here's hoping this trend doesn't continue into, oh, high school.

Yes, I'm going to save this.

I'm baaack...

Well, this is embarrassing.

It's been two months to the day since I have updated my blog. Since I wrote my first post in 2007 I've never gone this long without updating it.

I refuse to get caught up over-explaining and rationalizing my neglect so I will only say I'm sorry to all four of you who read this. (Or maybe none of you now. Hmm.)

I'm also not going to try to spend an entire blog post summing up our last two months. Partially because there's too much to include and partially because I don't have enough brain cells at the moment to remember all of it. I do know that since I've blogged I've gotten a new boss, been to a bachelorette party, went away on a work trip, stayed downtown for our anniversary (6!), been to a wedding, hosted the parents for a long visit, spent time back home on vacation.... Honestly I don't remember the rest. Let's just say I haven't spent the last two months getting manicures and reading books.

Though I did just read The Help and it was as good as everybody says.

So we'll leave it at this: Now that my little guy is soundly sleeping 12 straight hours at night (halleluiah, I feel like a real person again) and my house is not a disaster and my job is not utterly insane, I will update this more often. How often? Who knows.

Guess you'll have to come back again to find out.

The best part of my day

Every day that I go to work, I look more and more forward to 3:00.