What to do in Denver...

On the way to Denver this morning for a conference, I remembered that the last time I was here, we were on our mall tour in August 2001. It's been seven years!

I didn't remember the name of the mall--and I don't remember many other things about the city, except:

• We got really lost one night on the way back from the mall and ended up driving around until almost 2 a.m. because we were too proud to ask for directions (this was before cell phones and GPS systems, ie: the dark ages)
• I went on a run and realized after about five minutes that I can't breathe very well in this city...and then I gave up
• Dinner out at a Moroccan restaurant one night, which was very cool but I accidentally ate all of a "whole" shrimp (bleck--feet and shell and all)
• An afternoon trip up to Estes Park, which was beautiful. I would love to go back someday.

I get to the hotel and could not believe what it overlooks: the mall where we worked!

Tour buddies, does this look familiar? My, how this place has changed. For starters, the mall used to be in the middle of nowhere:

Calendar chaos

It's August, meaning it's time for everyone in the city to travel. Here's what we're doing for the next week:

Friday p.m.: Chad leaves for Chicago (guys' weekend for the Cubs/Cards game)
Sunday, 9 a.m.: Ellen leaves for business trip to Denver
Sunday, 1 p.m.: Chad returns
Wednesday, 9 a.m.: Chad leaves for business trip to Tennessee
Wednesday, 2 p.m.: Ellen returns
Friday, 5 p.m.: Chad returns

It's particularly ironic that we're missing each other by hours. Perhaps we can wave at each other in the air while one is landing and one is taking off.

My two cents about John Edwards

Former Presidential candidate John Edwards finally admitted that he had an affair.

...but he did not love the woman...
...but he did not father her child...
[and my personal favorite]
...but his wife's cancer was in remission...

As if THAT makes it all ok.

I do have to give him props for making this announcement on the opening day of the Olympics, while no one in America is paying attention. (And giving an exclusive to ABC, no less, which does not have the contract to cover the Olympics.) This is further proof from my June post that all news that people want to cover up gets announced on Friday afternoons.

A note from the boss

Thanks to my friend Robert for sending me this laugh today. (Hey, Robert--great minds think alike--I see you posted this on your blog too!)

Fortunately I don't work here...

EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008 -- NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the ' Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

--The Management

Dog people

Let me preface this post by admitting I have never been one of "those" dog people. In fact, you may remember when we first got Lucy that I didn't think I was up for any of this animal nonsense. Since then, I've put up with a lot of puppy stuff (and surprisingly enjoyed some of it). But Lucy's been with us four months and tonight I hit a new low.

There's an ice cream place in Del Ray called the Dairy Godmother, owned by a Wisconsin couple who, like the rest of us, accidentally ended out here permanently. I wanted more of a walk, so I wasn't in the mood to visit either of the ice cream places that are just a few blocks from our house. When I Googled it to figure out how far away it was (three miles was my cut-off, I decided), I found a shortcut--it was only a mile-and-a-half. Perfectly walkable!

In addition to great custard and sorbet, the Dairy Godmother has Puppy Pops, these yogurt/banana/peanut butter concoctions that they sell for 90 cents each. Yes, I bought one for Lucy. (And some raspberry sorbet for me.) Lucy didn't know what to think of it at first, but once she realized that it was frozen and it tasted good, the cup didn't last long. Janice and Nick joined us for ice cream and snapped this photo.

So, fine. I admit that I have become a dog person. Of my dog, at least. However, I will make a solemn vow. I will never, ever, ever buy my dog the "fortified water" that they are now selling at Petco. Even I think that's too much.

Home Alone 2008

The 1990 holiday hit "Home Alone" has come to life almost two decades later. An Israeli couple boarded a plane this weekend (to Paris, no less) and accidentally left behind one of their five kids in the airport. I'm not kidding--it's in the news today. Fortunately, all ended well and the three-year-old was found wandering around the terminal and reunited with her parents several hours later.

Personal diatribe: I don't have one kid, let alone five, so I'm probably not the best judge on this one. But the parents were on a chartered jet (ie: it was just them and their family), and they didn't know that one child was missing until they were informed by the cabin staff after 40 minutes in flight. How hard is it, when you're the only ones on a plane, to realize that there are six of you and not seven?

Nap, interrupted

There is no substitute for a good nap. And it's been a crazy weekend. People were here until 3 a.m. Saturday morning and 1:45 a.m. this morning. (I haven't been up this late for two consecutive nights in years.)

We ran errands early this afternoon and then put things away. I was finishing up a few things on the computer and decided to take a snooze for just a few minutes.

No sooner did I nod off than I felt something on my lap. Clearly, Lucy was unenthused that I was wasting away a perfectly nice afternoon on the couch when we could have been playing...